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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23319064">I Miss My Dad</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/garlic_salt_is_superior/pseuds/garlic_salt_is_superior'>garlic_salt_is_superior</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red White &amp; Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, angst with a lil bit of fluff, based on unfortunate personal experience, imagine knowing how to tag things</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:41:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>500</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23319064</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/garlic_salt_is_superior/pseuds/garlic_salt_is_superior</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Henry opens up to Alex about his dead dad.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Miss My Dad</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is for day three of the rwrb social isolation thingy<br/>I am not that experienced with fic writing pls don't judge me</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Arthur Fox died in 2015 Henry had no option but to hide his feelings. He couldn’t talk to his mom or his sister; they were dealing with their own grief. Whenever he felt depressed or down he would distract the pain away with books or music or research.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Later, when he was told to hide his homosexuality for the sake of the crown, he drew further into himself. He dated a myriad of pre-approved girls to keep up the heterofacade and only ever shared his true self with Pez.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once Bea stopped doing drugs and started NA he gained another confidant. With Bea, he never had to worry about explaining his feelings, she just <em>got </em>it. Though even with Pez and Bea, Henry still hid his feelings of grief. Opting instead for false happiness. Sometimes it was as if his whole life was an elaborate fabrication of what other people expected it to be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then he met Alex. Months of shared jokes, late night talks, and international email chains brought the two boys closer to each other. Alex talked about his divorced parents, and his struggles with racism. Henry talked about his experiences with homophobia, the pressure he endures from his grandmother, and then one night, he talked about his grief.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a quiet Sunday in their Brownstone apartment. Alex and Henry were curled up together on the sofa watching <em>The Great British Bake Off </em>while sharing a tub of cookie dough.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I miss my dad.” Alex was taken aback by Henry’s words. Not only was this level of honesty unprecedented and unprompted, but also his tone was so helpless and meek that Alex’s heart had no option but to break a little.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, do you need to talk about it?” Henry burrowed into Alex’s side.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, just give me a second,” after a few deep breaths, Henry continued, “It’s just unfair that he doesn’t get to see my life now. I want to think he’d be proud of me but there’s no way I could know for sure and I can’t ask him for advice without feeling like a crazy person talking to themselves.” Alex sat quietly as Henry went on, “I have all these pictures and memories of him, but it feels like, over time my perception of him becomes more and more skewed by other people’s opinions and the fact that no one has the courage to talk ill of the dead. I just wish I could see him as a person with flaws not this idolized version of him that Mom and Bea talk about all the time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That does suck baby I’m sorry. Is there any specific reason it was bothering you tonight?” Alex asked as he kissed the top of Henry’s head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No it just comes out sometimes for no reason. It’s quite obnoxious, really, this whole grief thing.” Alex chuckled softly then they fell into a comfortable silence and continued watching <em>The Great British Bake Off </em>until they went to bed.</p>
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